Live Beyond Limitation

People are always telling each other to practice self-love, but what exactly does that look like?

Commonly, self-love is associated with the idea that we have to validate everything we do and every aspect of our being. To me, that just isn’t sustainable for a long period of time, especially if you’ve spent a long time being unsatisfied with yourself. Validating every single part of you only momentarily eases our discomfort and can actually act as a form of rationalization that can stunt our growth. But why doesn’t this sentiment last? Because we are aware, even if only subconsciously, that by accepting everything about our current selves, we are settling for less than our true worth. We are attempting to wholly accept a version of ourselves that is familiar (and therefore, comfortable) but not who we really want to be. So, what’s the solution instead? I believe it is to simultaneously be vulnerable enough to show up exactly as you are right now, while also making subtle changes in your day-to-day life that will add up over time to create a better version of yourself. Self-love is to no longer put up with a reality you aren’t happy with.

“Self-care” is another term we’ve associated with behaviors that, yes, temporarily numb our pain, distracting us from our discomfort, but again, don’t actually solve our deeper issues or provide long-term change.

When you think of the word “love,” maybe you also think of comfort, peace, happiness or satisfaction. However, in order to reach those feelings, you have to take the initiative of breaking the cycles of self-imposed limitations you have been unconsciously reinforcing for years. I guess you could say, you must live beyond limitation (pun intended.) Lasting change isn’t going to happen all at once. It is the accumulation of many, many subtle shifts in action over a long period of time. But each time you choose a new course of action, it gets easier and easier to do so until it naturally replaces the old habit.

This is definitely something I often find myself struggling with. Creating new habits for yourself by resisting the urges you’re so used to giving in to, is not easy. We get accustomed, and even addicted to our thoughts and behavioral patterns.

Oftentimes, we give too much power to the world outside of us. We play victim. We think we are being held back because we aren’t capable of changing, but in reality, we are being held back simply because we don’t have the motivation to change. But motivation isn’t going to just magically appear one day. Maybe an ounce of it will, but not nearly enough to really turn things around. You are responsible for generating your own motivation. You have to act before you even feel the desire to because, if you solely rely on flying by the seat of your emotions, you’re never going to feel like changing. Our emotions are wired to what is familiar. They’re not going to go outside their comfort zone unless taught to.