Hello! This is the continuation of my past post I did last night about the self-discovery journey I took (The Power of Intention). If you haven’t read that, I suggest doing so (It will provide context to this).
So basically, after all said and done from the whole night, I decided to pull my cards just to see what they would say to this big switch. I was drawn to this deck I have called The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck that I got a couple weeks ago.
So, to begin, my first question was “What animal am I channeling right now in this moment?” You know, I thought it was going to be something mystical and supernatural…. a dragon or phoenix…. well, it was The Earthworm. I laughed. At the same time though, you’d be surprised (I know I was) as to how powerful an earthworm truly is apparently! “The Earthworm indicates a newbie or a novice working to establish confidence in a new field.” This is very true. For, in my case, that’s exactly what I was attempting to do; because for so long I struggled with self- consciousness and refused to tap in to my full potential… And yes, this is definitely a new field! The times where I have had that confidence in myself, also tended to coexist equally with the draining idea that it wouldn’t last. (Those rationalizing thoughts I talked on yesterday) “This card is a reminder to not be intimidated or lose hope. Mastery takes time, and you’re on the right track. Besides, rumor has it a beginner’s mind offers the most valuable insights.” Then at the end of every card, it tells how the individual is when “In Balance”, “Out of Balance”, and how to “Bring Into Balance.” “When in Balance: earnest, intelligent, valuable. When Out of Balance: self conscious, apprehensive. To Bring into Balance: speak up, risk embarrassment”
Following this, I decided to pull another to ask “If I follow down this path, like I have begun to do right now, what will I soon channel?”
The answer was Bat, signifying “Darkness, Letting Go, Death Leading to Rebirth”. “Before emerging, the Bat waits for the sun to set and the moon to rise. In the darkness, it can see all that was invisible in the daylight hours.” This resinated just because of the fact that I was seeing and understanding all of this in the night following the difficult day where my mind was clouded. “The Bat is a master of the subtle senses, of the underlying forces that cause some things to prosper and others to fade.” My mom has always told me that the biggest change comes from those ‘subtle feelings’ because they usually indicate the growth of new neural pathways. Before I read this next part, if you read my last post you would know that the words my mind kept repeating to me in my head while I was doing the work was “This chapter is over.” Those words just kept coming into my mind and heart as I released my past. So, following that, the next part of this card read “The Bat card shows up to signify the ending of a chapter, the closing of a door.” Literal chills when I read that because what I was told over and over again was exactly that. “The Bat comes swiftly, encouraging us to move on. In just a few hours a new day dawns. No more lingering in the past.” You’ve got that right. “When in Balance: accepts, adapts, adjusts. When Out of Balance: refuses to let go, reminisces. To Bring into Balance: watch the sunrise.” Still I haven’t watched the sunrise, though I understood what it was getting at. I’d also like to make note of how incredibly accurate (well all of it but) when Out of Balance was. During the daylight ours, I found myself constantly reminiscing on the past, and remembering it much differently than how it actually played out. This was my mind trying to trick me and drag me back into the cycle of self suffering. Manipulation of self is subtle and deceiving; making it sometimes extremely powerful to fight. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re doing it!
The last thing I would like to talk on in this entry is a mini showcase of the power of manifestation. I will of course have more posts on this (because there is so much to say about it) though for now, we will keep it short and sweet.
Again, going back once more to yesterdays post, I mentioned how my thoughts of being “not good enough” in whatever form it took (sad enough, good enough, sick enough, etc) actually manifested into my physical reality. This is because what you place your energy towards expands. I placed all of my energy into making myself be the best at being the worst version of myself (health wise) so that I was able to receive physical validation (in forms such as sympathy from others, etc) to perpetuate my harmful thoughts and stay in my cycle of suffering. I manifested into my existence the belief from others that I was not enough, by thinking the same for myself. By this I mean, when my mind wanted to force me to stay suffering (out of familiarity and comfort from the neural pathways I had built and strengthened for so long), it did all in its power to make it happen. It forced me to take actions that I knew would receive even more concern and sympathy from others; to supply those feelings of validation so I was “allowed” to stay in this place having physical valid reasoning. Essentially, My mind manipulated myself into manipulating other people so that I didn’t have to leave my familiar feelings. So back to that idea that started all of this: that I was not good enough. This took any form it could, and always targeted my greatest passions and hobbies. I would make art, sing, dance, do aerial silks, photography, absolutely anything that I wanted to thrive in, and my mind would constantly be dissatisfied. So, from here, after years of reinforcing my resentful, low vibrational cycle of sadness and fear, when I wanted to go down further, I wasn’t allowed to. I was forced to fight it, even though it takes the whole of me and is difficult. When I wanted a higher level of support (when I didn’t truly want or need it), I was told by someone that I was not sick enough. From this, what I’m telling you all is that whatever you put your energy towards, it will expand and it will branch itself into your physical life. You have to decide what you want it to look like though. Because although this happened, it also occurred when I manifested the other exact words “This chapter is over.” in my reading. Put your energy towards things that will build you up and not tear you down.
Know that the greatest things in life take work. Take the steps to honor your mind, body, and spirit because, I promise, it will pay off. Don’t spend all your time building those neural pathways if they aren’t beneficial to you. It will backfire. The mind doesn’t know any better than what you teach it. My main piece of advice if you want to achieve change, is to take the first step and connect back to The Source. Connect back to something other than your mind, because the mind doesn’t always tell you what’s truly in your best interest. My best tool is through meditation.
Go in peace <3
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